Progress toward the Goal

The first night after I got Jenny to do a nap without her Binky, we allowed her to have it. She'd been running a fever of 101.5, so we made the parental decision to allow her to have it. Even the next day during her nap, she had the Binky. I feared that we'd failed even before we'd had the chance to try.

Once it was clear that Jenny was not actually getting seriously sick, we returned to Plan A on Thursday night. I set things in motion by telling Jenny how proud I was of her for sleeping without her Binky for a nap and how happy it would make both Daddy and me, if she went without it for the night.

Unbelievably, she agreed.

Jenny was very enthused about giving up her Binky and being a big girl and making Mommy and Daddy proud and happy, so we went with it. A tiny bit of fussing and she was out.

So Friday came and I went to put Jenny down for her nap. She cried for exactly four minutes and thirty-eight seconds. Meanwhile, I re-organized the stuff under my bathroom sink. I had to stay focused on something while she fussed. It was heart-rending and twice, I picked up a spare Binky and headed for her door. I could hardly bear the sound of her grief.

But finally, Jenny did settle down and she did get some rest.

And tonight, Jenny went to bed without a Binky, again. No fussing and only a little reading to her dolls, but otherwise a peaceful night.

God, I hope this lasts.

Part of me thinks this is too easy right now - though this afternoon was rough. Maybe she really is ready to become a "big girl". I don't know that I'm ready, but maybe she is. She's out of her high chair and now she's given up her Binky. Next, the diapers will go and her bed rail will disappear.

And I'm not sure that I'm ready for this.

With each new stage of Jenny, I first face it with curiosity - what will she be like with all this "grown-up-ness"? Second, I see the benefits of the new stage - I have my snuggler back and she's so smart right now, doing so very well. And then comes the worry - I like this stage, I hope it doesn't pass too quickly. And last comes the sadness - I miss how dependent she was on us. What if this new stage doesn't include us so much?

I can't keep Jenny from growing up and I certainly don't want to wish any moment of her life away. But my job as her Mom is to work myself out of a job - give her everything I can and then let her go. And no matter how hard I want to keep her frozen in this moment, this one shining moment, I cannot.