Progress toward the Goal

The first night after I got Jenny to do a nap without her Binky, we allowed her to have it. She'd been running a fever of 101.5, so we made the parental decision to allow her to have it. Even the next day during her nap, she had the Binky. I feared that we'd failed even before we'd had the chance to try.

Once it was clear that Jenny was not actually getting seriously sick, we returned to Plan A on Thursday night. I set things in motion by telling Jenny how proud I was of her for sleeping without her Binky for a nap and how happy it would make both Daddy and me, if she went without it for the night.

Unbelievably, she agreed.

Jenny was very enthused about giving up her Binky and being a big girl and making Mommy and Daddy proud and happy, so we went with it. A tiny bit of fussing and she was out.

So Friday came and I went to put Jenny down for her nap. She cried for exactly four minutes and thirty-eight seconds. Meanwhile, I re-organized the stuff under my bathroom sink. I had to stay focused on something while she fussed. It was heart-rending and twice, I picked up a spare Binky and headed for her door. I could hardly bear the sound of her grief.

But finally, Jenny did settle down and she did get some rest.

And tonight, Jenny went to bed without a Binky, again. No fussing and only a little reading to her dolls, but otherwise a peaceful night.

God, I hope this lasts.

Part of me thinks this is too easy right now - though this afternoon was rough. Maybe she really is ready to become a "big girl". I don't know that I'm ready, but maybe she is. She's out of her high chair and now she's given up her Binky. Next, the diapers will go and her bed rail will disappear.

And I'm not sure that I'm ready for this.

With each new stage of Jenny, I first face it with curiosity - what will she be like with all this "grown-up-ness"? Second, I see the benefits of the new stage - I have my snuggler back and she's so smart right now, doing so very well. And then comes the worry - I like this stage, I hope it doesn't pass too quickly. And last comes the sadness - I miss how dependent she was on us. What if this new stage doesn't include us so much?

I can't keep Jenny from growing up and I certainly don't want to wish any moment of her life away. But my job as her Mom is to work myself out of a job - give her everything I can and then let her go. And no matter how hard I want to keep her frozen in this moment, this one shining moment, I cannot.

One foot in front of the other

Our pediatrician told us to ditch the pacifier a year ago. Her rationale included a warning about how difficult the binky-sucking habit would be after she turned three; the term, "Near Impossible" entered the conversation, I believe. We tried and failed, but our relatives, the babysitter, and everyone else it seems, could get my dear Jenny to go without it. 

So we're making a plan to help Jenny get rid of her pacifier by 2012. I'll keep you posted on how things are going.

The bravest little girl I've ever known

My little girl is known for having a flair for the dramatic. Honestly, I have no idea where she gets it from, but I digress. Jenny will go ballistic over a tiny bump on the knee. She will whimper over the freckle on her leg and insist that she needs to put a band-aid on it. She frets when I bruch her hair and she yells when we brush her teeth. But not today.

Today, my Jenny astounded me. Today, she got her flu shot and didn't whimper or cry in the least.

Tim and I teamed up today to take Jenny to the doctor's office for her annual flu shot. We packed an extra pacifier in case the first one fell on the floor while Jenny was sobbing. We packed a juice cup and four packs of fruit snacks, because we were certain this flu shot was going to be an ordeal.

We pull up to the doctor's office and there is practically no one in the parking lot. "Okay," I think to myself, "as least no one will be here to witness me breaking all the mommy rules" (Don't soothe with food, don't enable the binky addiction, etc.) And I'm thankful that no one will see my tears as it breaks my heart to hear "that" cry - the cry of pain that I cannot fix.

My hand shakes a bit as I fill out the paperwork, asking me if Jenny has asthma or an egg allegry. At one point, I hesitated - how do I spell my name again? Still, a whole one minute later, I have the page read and signed and turned over to the receptionist. She smiles sweetly at us (she must know how worried I am for Jenny) and she points us to the yellow sign.

Since it it only us, the nurse - a very sweet and unexperienced looking YOUNG girl - gestures us to a room where the exam table has a stack of stickers. "Oh good," I think to myself. "They're prepared for our little banchee to scream. Maybe the stickers will keep the volume level from becoming deadly to all within a mile radius."

Up on the table, coat off, Jenny watches the nurse pull out the syringe. She gets little nervous as the nurse swipes her arm with the alcohol swab and I brace myself for the shriek.

But it never comes. Jenny doesn't even flinch. The nurse put on a Scooby-Doo band-aid and tells Jenny to pick out a sticker for being such a good girl.

Jenny just starts talking like the flu shot was just some minor pause in a long conversation she's been meaning to have with us about something related to Jeff Wiggle falling asleep again. No tears, no whimper, no "Mommy, I want to hold you." Just a blip.

Wow.

After Jenny's appointment, we went to get Mommy's blood drawn. Jenny wanted to watch what the nurse was doing to Mommy very closely. She wasn't scared at all. Tim was more disturbed by the it than Jenny was. Jenny just kept asking me what the nurse was doing.

Wow.

My little girl manages to surprise me in so many ways. I'm constantly amazed by her. Constantly.

Jenny's first field trip

Today marked a milestone in Jenny's life and thanks to the Kenton County Education Association and the wonderful people at the Kenton County Board of Education, I was able to experience it.

Jenny's first field trip.

Kinman Farms, located in Burlington, KY and the beautiful weather today made for a pretty good experience. (Nothing like Sunrock, Aunt Karen and Aunt Dottie, but pretty good). There, Jenny learned about a few things that they grow on the farm - spaghetti squash, swan and snake gourds, corn and of course pumpkins. We met a very enthusiastic puppet crow and Farmer Aaron and did the Kinman Farm Dance. Though Jenny was a bit overwhelmed by the crowd, she eased into the day fairly well and had a good time.

Petting zoo - where Jenny met Angel Cakes, the bunny; Charlie, the pony; and a 14 year old burro along with a Mama Sow and her little Piglets, a dromedary and a very fancy rooster, who for some reason didn't want anything to do with my little two year old. There were ducks and sheeps and llamas and wallabyes and so on - the typical things you'd find on a farm - and Jenny got to pet them.

Into the Wagons! The hayride was a little tough for her at first. She got scared when Farmer Aaron helped her into the wagon, but settled in once we started pointing out the things along the path: a giant hay bale pumpkin and the giant spotted hay bale spider, along with a number of silly board cartoons who waved to us.

Time to play - When we arrived at the shelter, Jenny was again a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of kids going to the playsets all at once. She tried her hand at the slides and got a little upset over having to share with the older boys. We pulled over at a picnic table and had some fruit snacks. Jenny felt a bit better.

Corn Maze? When given the choice to go into the corn maze with everyone else or to stay behind and have the playset almost all to herself, my little girl decided that corn mazes were not her thing today. She got the baby swing for several long minutes and was the happiest she'd been all day. Oh well - I guess you can't plan on what will make your little girl happy. All you can do is just go with it and hope that the other little kid's mom will understand and go for the slide.

Snack and pick your pumpkin - Jenny went through several pumpkins before settling on the exact one she wanted to take home to Daddy. My pumpkin, she had picked out in less than a minute. "Here, Mommy." Miss Judi got into it too - showing Jenny all about the insides of pumpkins and gourds and helping Jenny make her final selection.

Wagons Home! We hopped back on the hay wagons, parked ourselves on the straw bales and headed back to the main buildings. On our way out, Jenny and I visited the animals again and bought two mini pumpkins because Jenny said they were "so cute."

Back to the car, buckled in and then home, where Jenny and I both took naps after our first field trip.

What a great day!

The Brown County Fair

This year marks Jenny's third trip to the Brown County Fair and though it was incredibly cold and supremely windy, Jenny and her parents had a wonderful time.

By herself, Jenny ate a corn dog  - her first official fair corndog ever. Jenny saw her first tractor pull and though she seemed a little overloaded in the beginning, Jenny enjoyed watching the loud tractors through two tractor classes. Our favorite was the sparkly green one whose paint job cost as much as the tractor itself. Can't quite recall the name, but I'm sure it was as spectacular as some of the others. Grandpa's favorite was called, the Plumber's Nightmare - it had three helicopter engines on it.

Jenny saw real animals - some for the first time outside of her picture books. Pigs, geese, rabbits, turkeys, guinea pigs, sheep, horses, cows, baby chicks and more. We learned so much about farm animals and had a great time in the process.

Additionally, Jenny had her first funnel cake, her first taste of a gyro, her first caramel apple, and her first fair fudge. We were in line to do the ferris wheel, but Jenny said she didn't want to go - there were boys on it :)~. We attempted the Super Trucks instead, but Jenny didn't want to share the ride with the other little girls the carny was putting into the truck with her. So we rode the merry-go-round instead. Jenny had fun. On our return visit with cousin Kraig (plus his parents) and Grandparents K, Jenny rode the ponies around. That was her favorite part of the whole fair.

Both nights, Jenny fell asleep on her way home, dreaming of next year's fair and perhaps hoping for a bit warmer weather. Maybe that was just me. I fell asleep on the way home too.

I'll post pictures to the Facebook account as soon as I get ahead of some of this silly grading stuff.

I don't wanna go . . . . (reprise)

I'm six weeks into the school year and I can't help missing the days at the zoo. Jenny was always a keen learner and eager to see more than we'd seen the last time. Why can't all my students be as excited about learning as Jenny is? When did our society learn to dislike learning so much?

I miss teaching Jenny about textures and colors and bugs and animals and how to treat people and how to use her inside voice. I miss introducing the world to her, as if it were brand new and full of the curious little details we've forgotten as we got older. There is so much she doesn't know about this world she lives in and I just want to stay home and spend time with her.

Fall has arrived and with it comes a myriad of my favorite experiences - smells of crisp, campfire tinged air that snuggles into your fleece and your skin; the clove spice of cold pumpkin pie; the crinkle of fallen leaves; a whole new world for her to experience.

And what am I stuck doing while all this wonderment is taking place around us? Grading papers.

Ah well, the firepit could use a little starter kindling and some papers . . . just kidding . . . maybe...

The Crying Game

I'm a terrible parent - at least that what the little Voice inside my head tells me. I let me daughter cry to get to sleep. I'm a terrible Mommy. She calls out to me: Mommy . . . Mommy . . . . Mommy with the biggest sobs I've ever heard. It breaks my heart.

And then after about a minute of this, she settles back down and goes to sleep. And it is then that I remember that I cannot prevent her from ever feeling heartache. I can only be there in the morning when she gets back up.

So Jenny is sleeping through the night - at least for now. Thank God for small miracles.