"What you get by reaching your
destination is not nearly as
important as what you will become
by reaching your destination."
- Zig Ziglar
I try to keep this particular quote in my brain as I work towards putting the right amount of emotion into the song I've picked out for my audition. I've found myself trying out three other songs, just to see how they feel on my vocal chords. None of them feels quite right.
I've watched the auditions for AGT and AI and most recently the Voice and thought - Oh, if they had just picked the right song, they would've gone farther... And now I'm finding my own sense of self-criticism telling me the same thing. I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't know what her own voice sounds like, one of those who can't choose the right piece of music to fit her voice. Why can't I Google or Bing - What is the perfect piece of music for my voice? - and actually get a straight answer? Oh yeah - that's part of the pressure of an audition. This is why everyone doesn't do something like this. This is why I've never done anything like this before.
It is at this point that I recognize my old friend, the one who has been on my journey since before high school. This friend of mine was there chiding me after every failure, has been saying, "I told you so" for a very long time. And while she's kept me from doing some very stupid things in life, this friend has also stifled my dreams.
I love Langston Hughes:
What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags like a heavy load. Or does it explode?
Fear, that little friend of mine, has kept me from taking chances. Some, as I said, were for the better - that firefighter I met in college - way out of my league; the pot smoking, flower-man; and driving lessons.
But fear also caused me to sing the National Anthem so high only the dogs could hear; caused me to give up on my dream of being an American Embassador to Russia; caused me to never try out for a single play since high school.
So I guess that leads me back where I started this blog - with four songs ready to go and each equal to another and a decision to make. I love them all, for the different memories associated with each one: a song I'm proud of, a song I love to hear, a song I want, a song that makes me smile.
I suppose I could see this as an immense opportunity - that's what Teresa would tell me - that I have so many choices, none of which is better or worse than another. What a blessing to have so many choices, instead of being stuck with - well, crap - that's the only song I even sound decent singing.
So goodnight then. I'll practice a few bars, then read a little of HP7 (again) and then I'll think of my favorite movie musical - White Christmas - and I'll fall asleep counting my blessings . . . and hope that my friend, that old fear, stays away for a little while longer.
Fear is a nasty foe that wins too many fights. Why don't you "audition" on fountain square or at the zoo? Find a group of people and sing a song. Then invite some overly critical people over and sing for them. The more people you perform in front of the more you battle fear.
ReplyDeleteAlso, record yourself singing. I keep saying the first mistake the people auditioning on all those shows is that they don't know how they sound. You must at some point hear a recording of yourself I think. The second mistake some of them make is never going to a voice coach because some of them really needed it. Those are the ones who didn't get through.
Anyway, we have faith in you and maybe if you hear it enough that pain in the rear fear will be locked in the closet. ;-)