Catharsis and Hillary Swank

This past school year has been incredibly difficult - more difficult I think than I've ever had. There were so many things that went wrong; so many conversations that hurt more than I'd admitted - even to myself; and so much utter failure, I sometimes couldn't breathe. I suppose those are the real reasons I made the changes in my life - seeking control of at least one thing I could control.

This reflection brought me some realizations about how I deal with stress and what stress really does to me. I spent a lot of time reflecting now that the school year is over and I'm no longer directing anything or anyone anymore. There is a gigantic hole, an emptiness, where that job once was. And though, the weight has been lifted from my shoulders and set upon someone elses; though it is no longer my responsiblity, my stressful nights, my mind racing through a dreamless sleep . . . I still find that I miss it terribly. More so, I miss my students in their role and I in mine. Ah well . . . we'll always have Paris, right?

This brings me to a moment of catharsis.

• Catharsis is a Greek word meaning "cleansing", "purging". It is derived from the infinitive verb of transliterated as kathairein "to purify, purge," and adjective katharos "pure or clean."

One day last week, while my darling daughter slept, I laughed and cried for two and a half straight hours. And afterwards, felt the better for it. Through all of this past year, I hadn't cried - not even once. I pushed through and kept going - the show must go on and all that jazz. But for two and a half hours, I got everything out.

Mind you, I hadn't sought catharsis. It just found me. I was just watching a movie so I could finally return it to my mother, from whom I'd borrowed it during first trimester when a student in my film class wanted to do her analysis paper on it. I suppose I had forgotten how wonderful chick flicks can be for that kind of theraputic release.

So thank you Hillary Swank and thank you P.S. I Love You - for helping me to find clarity through the emotional purge.