Hormones, Hormones, Hormones

I'm going to cry in the next several minutes, just wait for it; it's going to happen.

There are many wonderful people in my life right now who have been so very supportive and so very wonderful to me over the many years it took for us to get Jenny and now again as I face the mood swings, weight gain, and overall irritation that come with the many, many, many hormones that flow through my body right now. (Wow - speaking of mood swings, did you see that one? Whoa!)

I want to first and foremost thank my wonderful husband. He puts up with me.
God bless him for simply shaking his head when I say something absolutely off the wall, like "Oh my God, what if I'm not a good mother to this one? What if I love Jenny more?" or "Are you going to still love me when I'm fat?" He smiles and shakes his head, knowing the answer to every one of my questions: Hormones.

I want to thank my mother and my mother-in-law who happily enjoy the time they get to spend with Jenny. This morning, my mother-in-law breezed into Jenny's room after the mini-meltdown we'd had over getting dressed and lifted Jenny's bad mood. It was one of those dazzling miracles that leave you feeling strangely better and somewhat lighter than you felt before.

And then there's my own mother. On the days I'm not apologizing to her for being such an ornery kid, I try to find some way to thank her for the things she's done for me. Somehow, she managed NOT to kill me as a child or send me to the orphanage. She managed my dramatic and often stubborn outbursts, coped with every injury and every tear. She didn't disown me when I decorated her living room carpet with mustard. And tomorrow . . . well, let's just say that I'm just amazed by her generosity.

See, I'm crying now.

I'm thankful for a husband who will run to Hyde Park to ease my mind over a medication that we somehow didn't get. And a doctor who will call back to check up on me. And a daughter who went to bed early tonight and without much fuss. And that husband of mine who is staying up until 11:30 tonight with me to watch me do another shot.

It is in the spirit of this gratitude that I'm going to stop blogging about this experience for little while. Maybe it's the hormones and maybe it's just me. Everything is too near right now to make heads or tails out of it. Soon, though I promise. Soon.

If all goes well, I'll have some really awesome stories to tell. And if it doesn't, then please pardon my words or lack thereof as I grieve, yet again.

In the meantime, I'll send out a few chapters from my old blog on infertility. Back then it was called a journal. I hope they'll be entertaining, informative and well, a decent distraction to fill the time before we can hopefully announce something good.

Twelve weeks is a very long time. Nine months, even longer.

Pray for us, please. Even with IVF, having a child is still a miracle.

God bless us all.